Finding love in hidden spaces

Hey beautiful people! I’m in DC this week and it has caused me to be thrown off just a tad with my schedule. (Charge it to my head and not my heart!) However, God is so good because he has sent some stern reminders through some great accountability partners! (People I didn’t even ask to be my accountability partners have stepped up and decided to play the role---THANK YOU SO MUCH!!) Not only are those stern pushes necessary, sometimes uncomfortable, but baby they are ENCOURAGING! From the absolute bottom of my heart, THANK YOU for the text messages, Facebook inboxes, calls and side eyes when Wednesday came and left, and nothing was posted! *laugh here…then smile*

Any hew, lets jump right in!

So, I think I’ve mentioned this before, not completely sure, but I always want my blog post, YouTube post, social media post, in general, anything I post, to be led by the holy spirit. I am constantly putting the demand on God to assist me in knowing what to say, when to say it, and how to say it. I’ve found in the past, when I am obedient even in the things he nudges me to say, post or do regardless of if they make sense to me, those have the greatest impacts and outcomes!

     So this week when I sat down to write this blog, I wrestled. Not only because I’m not home (in my work space) but because I wasn’t really sure what he wanted me to talk about. So I started browsing the things he gave me this week, but nothing was flowing, everything felt forced. However, I kept hearing him say, “love.” (but I was trying extremely hard to push it to the back of my mind) Now if you know me, then you know that I am stubborn………………….……..sometimes. I also am pretty selective in what I share. Which as I am typing this I chose to use “selective” over “private” because “private” irks me. (eh, just being transparent.) As I begin to be obedient and comply with the fact that this weeks topic is going to be about love, I then begin to hear the holy spirit tell me that, “its apart of the work in progress that he has going on with me about an even deeper level of transparency that he needs from me so that he can effectively use me.” (yikes) So…here goes?

I got the sweetest package this week, in the mail, from someone who owed me nothing.

     I was packing my suitcase and heard a knock on the door and I assumed it was maintenance. My face balled up, I immediately threw on “door-opening appropriate attire” (Ya’ll know, don’t fake) yelling, “one moment” so that they wouldn’t assume I wasn’t home, and possibly invite themselves in. As I’m gathering myself I’m thinking, “nothing’s broke, I haven’t put a request in for anything, and I haven’t done any online ordering” so why is someone knocking on my door as if it’s urgent? (You ever notice mail men, maintenance, family and friends all knock on your door differently? LOL!)

     I peaked through the peep hole, no one, peaked out the window, I didn’t see anyone. So I slowly open my door to look on the ground to see if there was a package or maybe even a tag or brochure left. There it was, a box.

     I assumed it was my job, possibly sending equipment, the name on the box was typed SO small, so I paid little attention to it. Sat it down and hurried back to packing. (I was packing before my flight which was departing in 3 hours---SHAME!) Then, something tugged on me to go back to the package, look at the sender and open it. So I did. I read the name and chuckled, “he’s nice *chuckle* and so giving” I thought. I Opened the package and had an entire moment.

     A moment of being in complete “awe” feeling uncertain, nervous, butterflies, suddenly sweaty palms, rocking back and fourth as I read a 3-page hand written letter, which beneath the letters included gifts that yelled, “I hear you, I see you, I’m listening, I enjoy you, I believe in you, You owe me nothing, this is because I care, this is because you deserve it, this is because you’re kind.”  (whew)

     My apartment is already really quiet (I live alone) but while I was reading this letter, it felt like even the air conditioner decided to shut off, the outside noise ceased and the things that make strange noises in your home decided to be still. I promise, time sat still. It, sat still politely and gently while I read the letter and rummaged through the box, tickled, nervous, shocked, amused and feeling overwhelmingly loved.

     Why would someone go out of their way for me? Why would they spend their money on things invested in me? Why would someone feel the need to sit down and write an elaborate message to me, reassuring me that what I’m doing is not in vain, that the outcome is fruitful, that I’ve got this, that I’m doing a great job, that they notice me, that they love and care for me, that they just wanted to show a token of their appreciation, and to remind me that they are there? Why would someone love me with a love that has no expectations in return?

            So now I’m sitting in my home, quietly, unsure why I was having such a hard time understanding what I did to deserve such a gesture, and then the holy spirit, in that moment and all week began whispering, “I know.” I know what you need, even if you don’t bring it to me in prayer, I know what you need, even when in your controlling ways, you don’t invite me in. Baby, I know what you need when your hope Is dwindling, I know that your patience is becoming non-existence, and I know that you are running on E in “this” department. I know the need. I know who to send, and how to send it. I know about the void that you aren’t allowing me to put my finger on, I know the areas you’re keeping hidden, and baby I’ve got you.”

    Can I be really real? I didn’t know I needed that letter. I didn’t realize I needed my niece to draw a picture of me this week with a letter beside it saying she “loves me, she thinks I’m smart and cute.” I didn’t know I needed my friends to pour into me in several areas that I thought I was “good in.”

     While I appreciate the grand gestures of man, behind their obedience or them doing what they felt led to do as a gift to me (not all gifts are physical gifts), I saw the Lord behind it and I heard him, saying “I got you.” You don’t ever have to misconstrue what love is, what it looks like, what it sounds like, how it feels, what it does and forget that it exists in endless ways. So the Lord began to tackle some things in me, “Alicia why would you even be in shocked that you deserve such a love? Have I not promised you a love without conditions, renewed daily and with your best interest in all things? Who told you that these gestures are rare? Who told you that you were undeserving? Where in your busyness did you devalue love and see it as a one dimensional thing? Do you not know who the creator of Love is? How can you be made in the image of me, possess me and not receive love?” (Just a nut shell of some of the questions the Lord was tossing at me!...whew!)

     “So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.” (Matthew 7:11) 

     I recognize that this scripture is usually focused on parents and how they give the best to their children, so imagine how much more our heavenly father would give should we ask. However, this week, with this reoccurring theme of love, this scripture began ringing in my head and being translated like: “If man, who is broken, sinful and carnal-driven will give you great things, why wouldn’t God give you even better, even sweeter, more loving?” Why wouldn’t God be behind those sweet stern reminders? Why wouldn’t he cause man to do things that so gently yet nudging-ly reminds you, “hey, you’re loved. I love you. You asked, and I’ve got your every need. Even if it’s to be reminded that YOU-ARE-LOVED”

     If you had asked me on Tuesday was I feeling depleted in love, I’d say “no, I’m good.” However, God thought otherwise, and when I sit down and slow down, he was right. I needed a new and fresh pouring of what love is and looks like.  I had no clue, but God!

     If you need a fresh pouring of love, I challenge you to look around, I’m almost more than certain He is pouring a fresh flow of love in and around you everyday,(whether its in the people in your life, small gestures, small messages, moments, convo’s, gifts etc) you just have to look for it. In addition, I challenge you to put a greater demand on God. Why don't we let him in certain spaces? Why do we hide some of our needs? Why do we allow the world and our schedules to teach us which needs are more important than others. I truly didn't think I needed a fresh pouring but He did. (How sweet is it to know that He knows the need before we SAY it. & he provides it immediately.) Look around you, ask for what you need and be attentive to how he responds. 

I LOVE YOU,

Alicia Elizabeth XoxoXoxoXo