Trust·worthy Women

First of all, all women are WORTHY of you being trustworthy

let’s get into this..

August, I can't recall the year, only the month because of the events around it, I remember being in a relationship with a past lover and watching his eyes lock in to the attention of another woman in a crowd.

(emphasis on CROWD).
We had been dating for years and up until this moment I had never questioned his integrity or even his ability to step out. I was convinced that we shared a love that no one else in the world had experienced and that being attracted to someone else, let alone, cheating was beneath him.... beneath us.

Naive would be a fitting description to put here.

I was young.

Certain of things I had no experience with.

Confident in, words over action.

Gullible, to say the least.

I remember watching him, watch her.. and for the first time I was..... dare I say feeling insecure.

Inadequate.

Angry.

That in a crowd, I was seeking after him and some how, this woman, who didn't compare to me captured his attention.

I remember my hands feeling really cold. My heart beat picking up and this ball forming in my stomach. Unsure of the proper response, I continued to watch. Curious of how long it would take for him to notice me, noticing him, noticing her. At first, only annoyed with him, I then discovered she was gazing back. Now, I'm pissed.

December, again, I can't recall the year. I'm sure if I thought hard enough about it, it'll come to me. However, this isn't the important pieces of what I am writing, so I won't empower it by nailing down details (get into that) . I just remember it being cold. And foolishly me being outside, under dressed.

Ya'll listen to Erykah Badu? If you do, rock with me for a bit. If you don't, pause here and go play

Erykah Badu- next life time.

*cues song

*"Now what am I supposed to do
When I want you in my world
How can I want you for myself
When I'm already someones girl?"

Ya'll I was having one of these moments. LOL! If you're really an Erykah Badu fan, you'd know that-- this song starts with a fella (with a deep voice) talking about, "Erykah we've known each other for a while, I'm into you. I don't know what I gotta do, you know to get close to you" where she then responds, "Wait a minute you know I'm in a situation, why are you...? Don't do this, why you trippin like that?"

Ya'll. Let's be clear for those who are confused. I wasn't literally in this situation. I was never in a relationship with a man and was asked to cheat. Nor did I ask a man to cheat. However, this song comes to mind because I recall being in a space with a fella whose heart was still tangled somewhere else but trying to start new with me and I felt like, "sir, you're in a situation, don't do this." (erykah's voice)

Can we talk? Can we keep it funky for a minute?

I used these two examples to show you three things, first and foremost, some LEG. I've been writing privately, and got away from posting. There was a time, not long ago when I was out'chere posting a lot and wasn't saying much. You'll see that in previous post. Secondly, I want to level set something and that is, we've all been here or near these waters.Lastly, I feel like I understand both sides of the fence of what tampering with someone's heart looks like.

Today, I'm coming to you live to talk about being the woman, other women can trust.
This post, is not hard to write. However, this post, is hard to write. Before being able to produce it, I had to really assess myself and ASK myself, HAVE YOU and ARE you ALWAYS a woman advocating for other women?

I shared my first experience not to say, I'm out here tripping if my man looks at another woman. (HA). No. Eyes are for seeing. I can't control what he sees or what he likes. I shared that story to highlight the discomfort I was experiencing. The discomfort so many other women experience, when they see their man attentive to another woman. I shared that experience to highlight that even women in healthy and balanced relationships have moments of being scared, unsure, and not feeling SO affirmed. (Sure this was a small incident but you get the point). I shared that experience to level set the fact that years ago (because baby, it was YEARS go) when I didn't know my worth how easily unraveled I became over the IDEA of another woman taking the attention of what I "thought" was mine.

*shameless tip* Sis, we don't own anyone.

And “you can't make homes out of humans.” -Warsan Shire

The second story, I shared to say, I've been the one being admired. The one, your man would prefer, the one your man was watching from across the room and I gazed at.. and let’s be clear, "low self esteem" is the only thing that would boast in that.

I was young.

I didn't pursue him.

I never got in a relationship with him.

That doesn't mean I didn't entertain, his entertainment. (attention, calls, text) — nothing sexual. (Just want to make sure we are ALL on the same page.)

The first step to digesting this blog post is to do a self analysis.

What do you gain when you are peaking the interest of a taken man? What does it say about you, when you rather have someone else's portion over the one with your name on it? Where are you? What about yourself do you not like or enjoy? How can you be team, "women" while tearing down another woman?

How can you be team women, while tearing down another woman? - Alicia Elizabeth

I found this post that said, "be a woman, other women can trust" and baby, it took the wind from beneath my feet. Not because I've EVER been the woman that has wrecked a home. Not because I've EVER been the woman coveting a taken man but because I had to ask myself, HAVE I EVER BEEN THE WOMAN complimenting a taken man, flirting with a taken man, entertaining (even nonsense) from a taken man, excited about the attention of a taken man, boasting in arrogance about being in the KNOW of a man stepping out on his woman, present in the behavior etc.

Am I a woman, other women can trust?

On November 6, 2019, I say, "Yes."

I truly don't want your chewed and picked over parts. EVEN WHILE SINGLE *meaning unmarried.

However, this isn't about gaining a public badge of honor for being what we already should be. Instead this is about opening dialogue to other women, spot checking where you are, affirming those who have been impacted by women not on their post/assignment and loving the women on both sides of the fence.

Sis, if you've ever felt inadequate because your man or the men you've dated have stepped out.. I declare right now that it has and HAD NOTHING to do with you. Even in dysfunction our partners are responsible for communicating what's lacking in their love bank. In addition, stepping out versus ending things is a cowardice decision. I apologize for the coward in your partner. By definition, coward means: a person who lacks the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things. It takes COURAGE to tell your partner you are interested in someone else. It takes COURAGE to leave. While this isn't an excuse for anyone, my hope is that it brings clarity to a decision and it's impact. Not everyone is courageous enough to end things with people we LOVE. Not everyone is mature enough to be selfless enough to LEAVE... before damaging the space. (I hope this is making sense.)

Sis, if you've been the one planting seeds of discord, I declare to you today, that you don't have to compromise who you are and what you deserve for a part time, love. While writing that, I heard "but I see them ALL THE TIME and talk to them ALL THE TIME." Sis, if he isn't in an exclusive committed relationship with YOU, you are on borrowed- part time. I don't care how deep the convo gets, how attentive he appears, and how much he check's in, if SHE can't know about it, it's out of line. It's wrong and when WIND gets to her of the situation, you're putting another sister's emotions on the line. EVEN IF YOU ARE CONVINCED that it's INNOCENT. Spot checker-- does she know about you? If your answer is, "No", you gotta go. You deserve more. She deserves more. If the relationship is as sincere as you believe, introductions should be happening. YOU DON'T KEEP THINGS YOU'RE ASHAMED OF IN THE DARK, SIS.

Today, I challenge you to be a woman that other women can trust in publicly and privately. Some women don't care. *inset shrugs* or so they say. However, what's most important is that when you are for #TEAMWOMEN you protect them even if they don't realize that what they are SO nonchalant about is damaging and that the impact of their negligence can lead to damaging their emotions etc. You look out for you sister's blind spots, period.

SO, my blog in 13 words: if you wouldn't want it done to you, don't do it to her.

XoxXoXoxoxxx,

AE

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