I can’t begin to tell you how many break ups and arguments were “solved” because myself or my partner at the time pulled the, “I thought you loved me. Stay because you love me. Isn’t love enough?” Card. I’m guilty. So very guilty of both doing and falling for this.
Today, these lines aren’t “draw 4” cards in my book. Used to continue the games, they are instead “manipulation cards.”
Ouch. That was uncomfortable to both SAY and ADMIT but freeing to have a name for the behavior.
I’ve been watching Greys Anatomy. A show I long put down because of the emotional rollercoaster it would have me in. I live alone, so ya girl can’t afford to be mad and crying some nights and then all the in love with my ex the next night. Lol. I was young and had no grasp of how to control the feels. Lol. I’m older now and so, I’ve picked it back up and whew, the show FEELS different on mature eyes and a seasoned heart.
Anyhew, last nights episode was about Dr.Yang discovering she’s pregnant and her husband Dr.Hunt being ecstatic about it. Yang, not so much. They discussed this. She doesn’t want a child and he does. His Hope was and is that she’d reconsider because she’s in a “partnership” and that he has just as much of a say. Her response both emotional and afraid because she “doesn’t change her mind.”’ By the end of the episode she has an abortion and Dr.Hunt is by her side to do so, begrudgingly, hurt and resentful.
I haven’t seen the next episodes so please don’t spoil it for me. However, I wanted to pop in and say, believe people the first time. I am one of the most, “I’m never going to give up on you, on us and our space person” you’ll ever meet. Or at least I WAS. A few years ago I would’ve hated Dr.Yang for not only saying NO to her hussssssband but for sticking by her answer! Today, my heart breaks for Dr.Hunt because he didn’t LISTEN and BELIEVE what he saw and heard. Her married her more emotionally charged than logically. Hoping that what they had l and could have would possibly change her mind. As a matter fact a few episodes before this one, when discussing the topic of a baby, he said something along the lines of, “I had hoped that you’d learn how much more you can be and become, that your world can be so much bigger than just being a surgeon.” As sweet as that sounds, it’s also extremely earth shattering because he assumed that SHE wanted more in her world.
Comes to find out, she was more than satisfied being an excellent surgeon, married to another surgeon without kids.
I know you believe you can LOVE them into a changed person but you can’t. Loving them today means loving who they present themselves to be and both honoring and believing them, today. Icing on the cake? Love yourself enough to honor that it isn’t enough for you. It doesn’t make either of you a bad person, just possibly not good for one another.
xoXoxo,
AE
P.S, scroll all the way down and subscribe for future private gems in your email. I have fully figured that thing out yet but when I do, you’re going to be happy you’re apart.
