An evening with, Rejection
I spent the last quarter of 2019 gaining different lessons for my toolbox. Here’s some, if you’re interested:
God hears every whisper, thought, idea, and dream we have & He goes out of his way to make that thang happen. (Yes, thang.) Which, the more I think about it — tickles me. He’s so thoughtful in nature, so creative in delivery and so concerned about what concerns us.
Everything absolutely works TOGETHER FOR Me (insert, you). Like, it’s a really hard concept — I know. However, it’s one worth trying to settle into. Just think for example that the doors that don’t open— that in the moment we are angry about, saves us time, keep up on “track” and protects us from unnecessary damage. Whew.
Love, happens. In the most unexpected ways. Remain, open.
Relationships change, let them. May it be new boundaries, less boundaries, sweeter and tighter space and/or no space at all. Allow it.
Rejection still stings, even when you understand it’s benefits.
Let’s dive in, shall we? Today, we are going to unpack #5. We can explore 1-4 another day.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve been rejected. I say this humbly. Maybe even, ashamed. And here’s why. I am confident, I wasn’t experiencing it [rejection] as often because I wasn’t being vulnerable. I wasn’t putting myself in spaces to be rejected. Not being vulnerable means denying myself e v e r y t h i n g. (I plan to unpack this via my YouTube, shameless plug @Alicia Elizabeth, go subscribe.).
But what happens when we, do.
What happens when we open ourselves. Show skin. Show weakness. Show flaw. Show long day. Show hard days. Show discouraged. Show, afraid. Show vulnerable. And it’s met with crickets?
What happens?
What happens after we’ve developed a level of self assurance and we are confident in what we bring to the table and it’s r e j e c t e d ?
I realized that at my age, I am not moved by rejection as much because I respect people’s right to their choices (even when I don’t understand them) and I recognize boundaries and how they are equally for those on the outside and those on the inside….but maturity doesn’t excuse me from experiencing the hurt and disappointment of rejection..
“Maturity doesn’t excuse me from experiencing the hurt and disappointment of rejection.”
As a matter fact, I am beginning to believe the weight of it hits different because you’re responsible for processing differently. Application is wisdom. While I wanted to have a temper tantrum, I knew better. Wanted to be mean and hateful, I knew better. Wanted to belittle it’s meaning, I knew better. Wanted to make it about me, I knew better. Wanted to play the blame game, I knew better. (insert eye roll)
Instead, I had to go inward.
Why does this rejection sting, I asked myself.
Because, I didn’t see it coming. Almost prized myself on being strategic enough to make choices which yield, positive results.
Because, I had loaded expectations.
Because, it’s me. Like, it’ ME. (LOL)
My old solutions included taking the mature route. Having that internal dialogue about people having choices, boundaries and even sprinkling in the truth that closed doors expedite the opening of others. All of which is still true, However, this time….. this time it was different. (couldn’t shake it).
I’m older. I know better and I care, differently. (More intently).
My feelings were hurt.
And instead of rushing from hurt to healed. Or hurt to whole.
I sat with it.
I sat with memories, expectations, unfulfilled promises, interrupted routines, a vacancy and an experience.
I sat with rejection.
I welcomed rejection into my intimate space and called it out for who it was and I sat in awe of it.
So abrasive in it’s presentation yet so necessary in aiding me into my “next.”
THEN, something shifted.
After giving it [rejection] space, in my space. I politely asked for it to leave. I was done with it. I’d sat with it enough. Worked through the range of emotions that it presented. Sorted out the irrationality of it’s existence within my thoughts and learned everything it came to teach.
Here are some things REJECTION and the discomfort taught me:
“it” was real. Funny, quick story. I remember going through a break up and telling my ex how much it hurt (I know, dramatic) and responded. “I’m hurt too, but it hurts because it was real. What we had was real.” Ya’ll, I hated him more. LOL! It was not the time for logic but I digress.) “It” was real. The hope, the emotion, the experience. It was real and maybe this sounds weird but something about being GRANTED opportunities to experience ______ (love, friendship, applications, interviews, etc) makes me feel so thankful. Like, wow. Though it didn’t end how I wanted it to, I got to EXPERIENCE you, this, us, the process, whatever.
It comes to highlight where dependency may lie to heavily. (just sit with it for a little, maybe? )
It puts the brightest light on your insecurities. Say “hey” to them. Get to know them. Address them. Explore them. Work on them.
It shows you your weak spots, and equips you. If you go through the process & not avoid it, deny it and/or overlook it.
For the mature, it shows you just how selfish you are & can be. — do you respect others choices and/or boundaries?
It literally keeps you on track. I know it’s super cliche but, what’s for you is for you. Imagine having to go into 100 doors before finding your door. You’ll find yourself SO thankful for the doors that wouldn’t open. What a waste of time and energy. (you get where I’m going?)
It forces you to pay attention to what is vs what isn’t. How much time do we spend focusing on who didn’t call, who didn’t come over/to the event, who didn’t accept our application, who doesn’t want us versus who/what DOES. How many opportunities lie in the bind of us being stuck in a funk due to being rejected?
THERE’S MORE. Show me something that only has 1, literally 1 in that category. I’ll wait.
To close, let me say.
Rejection stings. However, it also comes to teach. My prayer is that you learn everything it’s got to offer so that when it shows it’s head again (because it will) you can say, “hey!” and keep on pushing. You’re still worthy. So, so, so worthy.
XoxOXo,
Alicia Elizabeth
Can I share a random fact with you? Someone saw this picture of me and said, “She’s not my type. While another guy saw this picture and said, “she’s just right.” True story. LOL! Focus on what’s MOST important. -AE
