Unravel

*Cues* Sabrina Claudio- Unravel Me

“Something in the sun or the air
Is making me wanna run away from here
I know that you want me to stay with you, but no
So I'll keep on making excuses about the sun, the earth, the rays

Our days are numbered, wired and I'm tired of it
I know you're trying
But you'll never unravel me

It's something about the season that we're in That's making me think that we're not supposed to do this I know that you're trying to understand But you can't 'Cause I keep on making excuses 'bout the fall, the rise And how my mind is ruptured, wired and I'm tired of it I know you're trying But you'll never unravel me Unravel me, unravel”

I recently learned of a new dimension within love. That is, doing the very thing you’d prefer not to do, for the people you proclaim to love. Denying yourself and whatever it craves for the well being of another. Setting and keeping boundaries that say, “I can enter but I won’t because I know this isn’t healthy for you.” For a few years I’ve lingered with this thought, worldly love has everything to do with self and Godly love has everything to do with the other person/party involved. A daily decision of “dying to one’s self” in attempt to truly love. (I’ll explore and unpack that another time.)

This song, makes me feel.

I have mixed emotions about the lyrics because, I get it.

I’ve been here. If I’m honest I’m still here.

To be wanted/desired by someone but also recognize that there’s “something” preventing it which leads to a host of excuses…essentially ending in the reality of them never being able to unravel you.

Today,

I danced all over my home. From mirror to mirror. From room to room, settling this truth, I am not easily unraveled.

A statement that I am both ashamed of and proud about.

May we never boast in being difficult to get to know or to be known. However, may we boast in the truth that we are selective and not everyone has access.

Loving me is a language and comes as a result of me practicing proper discernment.

At my age I still struggle with this boundary. This attempt at self care in the form of not giving every handsome King access to my intricate and delicate spaces also known as my heart.

However the older I get the better I become at enforcing it even if it doesn’t feel good, initially.

Lately, implementing and enforcing these boundaries haven’t felt good… so, I danced.

Danced in my home until I was exhausted and affirmed in what I was thinking..am thinking and am hoping for when unraveling does occur.

Alicia Wade, 8/28/19, 8:50pm

“So you don’t have to spend a lifetime translating your spirit.”