The "Good" in Goodbye

Can I be honest? I am so impatient with God. Like, I full out trust Him, but low-key, high-key, the Lord knows I have my moments where I’m side eyeing him and I’m saying, “Lord, I’m so tired of praying about this and or bringing this to your attention. If I’m tired of praying about it, then I would assume you’ve got to be tired of hearing about it.” …………….Then not long after, I’m reminded that the Lord is in control and well….let's just say, I’m back in his face sometimes about the same thing. (We keeping it real right?)

            However recently,  after what FELT like àforever of holding my breath, I came up for air.  No, seriously, I had an entire moment where I felt the very thing I was praying about and asking God to relieve me of, removed. Celebration moment right? Sure, and I did. Honey I danced, I sang, I laughed and I talked about it until my mouth was dry, I wrote about it until my hands cramped. However, something in me then became afraid. Isn’t that strange? The very thing I was praying for God to remove because it was a burden, had also become a place of comfort for me. I felt…..naked. I felt like a 1st grader would in a high school, out of place. I felt unequipped, because I had grown to know God in that space…not this one. So now, the prayer life that I built with Him, the behavior that I cultivated, the practice of renewing my mind only when this thing triggered, was all no longer. I inhaled and I exhaled, and I inhaled and I exhaled again and baby the air for the first time in a very long time, was so clean. Like it literally felt “lighter, cleaner and even cooler.” (I’m praying this makes sense to someone.)

            My prayer however for the past few months has been that God would grow me up in my emotions. That how I feel, matched the very thing I professed out of my mouth. (Example: If I SAY, God is my provider—when the money isn’t there, my mood doesn’t become “womp womp, woe it’s me”, but that I am still upbeat, excited and at peace because out of my mouth I said—He’s my provider and so out of maturity, experience and faith—I want my emotions to reflect that He is in fact my PROVIDER!)

            With asking for that, God honored it. “You want to be mature in your emotions Alicia? Then I need you to understand why certain doors were closed, why some things lingered in your life longer than they should, and why you had to go through what you went through so that I can trust you with more, and with better. As a matter fact, I NEED you to grow up so that I know for a fact that you wont abuse better. I need you not only get past the past, but LEARN from the past, and until you do, better won’t be released.” insert eye roll I love how God waits on us, I love how He knows what’s in store for us, but gives it to us strategically. I love how he cupid shuffles with us (meaning even when we back slide, he’s there, and when we make great strides he’s there…loving us all the while.)

            Anyhew, I began to think about the Children Of Israel. If you’ve never read about them, I strongly encourage you to check out the book of Exodus, super encouraging. Long story short, they were slaves in Egypt and Moses, was the designated person to deliver them out of Egypt. The word of God tells us that the Lord said, “(7) I have certainly seen the oppression of my people in Egypt. I have heard their cries of distress because of their harsh slave drivers. Yes, I am aware of their suffering. (8) So I have come down to rescue them from the power of the Egyptians and lead them out of Egypt into their own fertile and spacious land. It is a land flowing with milk and honey—“ (Exodus 3:7-8)

*That scripture by its self should cause someone to shout. God see’s what you’re going through, is sending help/deliverance AND when you do get out, there is a LAND with MILK & HONEY set aside, JUST FOR YOU!  throws phone*

     Continuing on, I began to think about the Children of Israel. Here they were, in Egypt, being mistreated, crying and hoping to be freed. The Lord sends Moses to do just that! During the journey however, of Moses leading them out of Egypt, guess what they have the nerve to do? COMPLAIN! Oh, but wait there’s more, they had the nerve to look back and PREFER their original conditions over their current ones. (who does that sound like?....I’ll wait……no one? Fine, I’ll raise my hand alone.) Here I was, free. In the process of entering a new space and instead of solely rejoicing, I was scared, nervous, unsure, heck, missing my previous baggage because it was more comfortable than the unknown. The children of Israel literally said, “If only the Lord had killed us back in Egypt,” “There we sat around pots filled with meat and ate all the bread we wanted. But now you (referring to Moses) have brought us into this wilderness to starve us all to death.” (Exodus 16:3) Because the conditions were uncomfortable, their travel didn’t look they way they dreamed it, and because there were a new set of challenges, they complained!

            God, do I sound like that? Did I spend days, weeks, months, even years praying for deliverance, just to get on the other side and beg to go back? Did I not say thank you, and wait on you to lead the rest of the way? Am I romanticizing the conditions I was in, creating the illusion that they are so much sweeter than the milk and honey you’re taking me to?

            Can I be honest? Like really honest? I’m so thankful for my “Egypt” and I am even MORE thankful for the time (and baby I mean TIME) it took for me to get out of, away from, EGYPT! I understand the children of Israel, because Egypt was familiar, it was all they knew, it felt like home and even under harsh conditions, it felt like “at least I know what to expect here.” So it felt safe. The idea of a routine is more comforting than faith in the unknown. I get it.  However, every night, those same complacent Children of Israel probably prayed for better, and maybe they were praying just to pray and wasn’t expecting to be delivered, but baby they were. They were delivered and with being delivered some maturity had to take place or they would end up right where they started or worst, unappreciated of what’s to come!

            Just like them we are brought out of things, whether its with people or places and sometimes we celebrate for a bit, and then the spirit of fear, uncertainty, complaining and tiredness creeps on us. I’m here to tell you, NO. We bind every thought unlike Christ’s for your life and your journey up and we command it to flee. You will leave EGYPT and when you come out, YOU will be mature enough to understand why it all happened.

            Today, I’m so thankful for the mess I was tangled in. I mean I bless God for it, because had it not been for my previous mess, I wouldn’t know Him the way I do today. Had it not been for my previous mess, I wouldn’t appreciate my breath of fresh air that keeps occurring, had it not been for my previous mess, I wouldn’t know what being grounded in His promises mean. I bless God for the doors closed in my face, for the random moments of crying, for my many failed attempts of trying to be in control. I bless God for the people who left, and for those who came, for the experiences that I shouldn’t have been in, but was able to get out of. I bless God for the nights of heart break, disappointment, sadness, or isolation, I found comfort in him, I found friendship and hope in Him. I thank God for the lack of resources that I couldn’t find in the natural, because He became a present help.

     I’m so, so, so, so thankful for my EGYPT, I complained about the journey out, but baby NEVER again. The next Egypt GOD ENTRUST me with, I plan to praise Him more, I plan to complain less, I plan to yell loud at “Fear” that it has no place here, I plan to dream about the land of milk and honey, I plan to delight in imagining HOW GOD is going to deliver me, I plan to keep my focused stayed on Him. I plan to really see the “good” in “goodbye.”

I want to challenge you today, to a few things:

1.Trust that God is hearing your prayers. I would never tell you to stop bringing the things that trouble your heart to God. Bring them, as often as you need to, but I also challenge you to begin asking God in prayer, “If you’re not going to relieve me of this, can you help me understand what I need to get from this. Why am I here, and how do you want to use me? Can we make sure that when I leave this, I get all the gems and lessons that you need from me so that when you elevate me, I am prepared to pass some test?”

2.I don’t care what your conditions look like currently, remember that God has a land for you on the outside of the very thing you’re asking to be delivered from that is “Milk and Honey.” When I saw God slowly removing me, even that was scary, but imagine If I changed my posture to, “Ok God, my current state feels like THEE best, can you help my disbelief and remind me that, YOUR best is bigger and better than I can fathom. And that if you’re taking me from this thing, it HAS to be to go to something sweeter, bigger and better?”

3.When you’ve been delivered, act like it. Teach yourself the spirit of, “I want to, but I won’t” AKA Spirit of Discipline! In this new season honey, things get scary, but I refuse to backslide. I refuse to allow my emotions or my life to be on a never ending rollercoaster. God, you’ve delivered me…where we heading? Where do you need me? What’s next. THANKYOU for taking me out of EGYPT! Let my thoughts and the words that come out of my mouth constantly say, THANK YOU! I appreciate, and I understand the GOOD in GOODBYE! Even in my limited thinking, even if it doesn’t make sense, I trust you. Even if I wanted to linger there longer, I trust you. Even when I thought it was picture perfect, I trust you. I trust your leading, and your decision because God only you know the beginning and the end. So when it’s time to leave, it’s time to leave. WHEN YOU’VE BEEN DELIEVERED, ACT like it. ---the Children of Israel needed a posture shift. They weren’t slaves anymore, they didn’t realize God specifically heard them and said, ‘baby it’s time. I’m coming for MY PEOPLE.” They should’ve began traveling like royalty, because God himself created a plan to see to it that they came out in one piece.

     I’m praying today that whatever you’re journeying in, through and or out of, that you trust God. That you delight in what’s to come, that you’re also allowing the lessons to take place, that your faith is being deepen, that you’re constantly talking to him, that when it’s time to come out you’re mindful of you’re posture and that the entire time you tell fear to, “be gone!” Praying that the complaining stops and the maturity begins, that the lessons become more visible & that you’re able to comprehend it all from different perspectives.  If you take nothing from this blog at all, I’m praying you take away that when God is entering you in a new thang, trust that the old thang isn’t as sweet as what’s to come, even if the new conditions scare you. I’m learning that and journeying through it with you.

XOXOXOX,

Alicia Elizabeth