25 Released
I thought about starting this entry with, “I lost 25 pounds.”
The funny thing is, I didn’t lose 25 pounds. I didn’t wake up one day and someone stole it from me. In addition, it wasn’t something I was holding onto that I misplaced by accident.
So, with much intentionality around my words concerning my health journey, I think I’d rather start with,
I released 25 pounds and a few other thing along the way…
The definition of release is: (v)
(1)allow or enable to escape from confinement, set free;
(2)allow (something) to move, act, or flow freely;
(3)remove restrictions or obligations from (someone or something) so that they become available for other activity
(4) remove (part of a machine or appliance) from a fixed position; allowing something else to move or function;
(5) allow (something) to return to it’s resting position by ceasing to put pressure on it.
So here’s 25 things I released internally which showed up externally,
I released caring about what others think concerning MY body. How unfortunate is it for the many men who passed up on a fine tenderoni like myself because I had a little more cushion?
I released caring about what others think concerning MY body. Hey, I know you mean well with your comments and your SUGGESTIONS but at the moment, I am working slowly and thoroughly to figure out what my body needs.
I released the behavior of comparing journeys. Sis, Bro, congrats to where you are, where you’ve been and where you’re heading. I am equally as excited about my journey. When we arrive to our desired destination, lets connect again and talk about the joys of the journey. What do you say?
I released the behavior of comparing journeys. She got abs this way. He lost weight eating this. Sounds good. However, does that mean I HAVE to do it that way? Not at all. What is my body saying?
I released the behavior of talking negatively to me. What hypocrisy it is to demand respect from you publicly, while I privately disrespect myself.
I released the behavior of talking negatively to me. I have such an extensive vocabulary, why not use my words to BUILD instead of tear?
I released not being disciplined. I am allowed to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. That doesn’t mean I do. Everything should be done in moderation. Do I need this? Can I have it later? Is there a healthier way to enjoy this meal/ prepare this meal? Am I satisfied? Am I going for seconds out of behavior? Am I eating because I am avoiding an emotion?
I released not being disciplined. I have time to sleep in, I have time to call friends, I have time to surf the web, I have time to watch tv, I have time to take a drive, I have time to paint my nails, I have time to read, I have time to eat…..I’ve got time to exercise.
I released what I was taught. I didn’t come from a home that talked a ton about working out and eating right. We had the INTENTIONS to do that but let’s be honest here. My mother was a single mom, a darn good one at that. Juggling it all can be a lot. I get it. She removed the Pepsi’s from us after my doctor snitched and told her I was overweight. Which came with the removal of fried chicken and sometimes getting second’s at dinner. (Side eye) but removing food without real information/nutritional teaching just means replacing it with other things. Those replacements weren’t always healthier. So, I’ve been unlearning what I think I know, and being intentional about re-learning what I need for this body, my lifestyle and my taste buds.
I released what I was taught. Stop telling me I can’t have bread, sweet drinks, desert and ice cream. Go somewhere with your boring life.
I release the need to do it ALL right, ALL at once. I released PERFECTION. Stop telling me I won’t make it to my goal if I have “cheat days.” I am figuring this out one day at a time.
I released the need to do it ALL right, ALL at once. I released PERFECTION. First, I got into a gym routine. Then I figured out foods I like (that was easy). Then I learned how to eat the foods I like in moderation. (still working on this) Next, is learning how to make my favorites, healthier. Then, learning to make new ones. Then, understanding the point of everything I put in my mouth. Then, enjoying ice cream & mashed potatoes on hard days. LOL! I said, what I said.
I released the FEAR of rejection. If my presence is too BIG, chances are you’re small…. in every way.
I released letting days pass and I not slow dance in the mirror naked. My body is my absolute favorite piece of art.
I released feeling powerless. I can do whatever I want to and with this canvas. (My body).
I released referring to my body with basic terms. I am sight to behold.
I released playing small. If I want a booty, I’ll build one before the end of 2021. (you read that right.) I want my squat to be as strong as Meg. (Wife Prep Shawty). This body looks good dancing slow, so I’ll dance slow more often. If my sides give tease, baby, they teasing then. Crop tops, hey. High waisted pants, get into them. Cleavage? As long as it lady like with a whole lot of sexy, lets go.
I released OTHER people’s projections. No, “You” can’t wear that. I can and I will. No, I don’t feel inferior because of my weight. Nah, I’m not ashamed of the number on the scale, I just choose not to make it the biggest thing. Nope, I’m actually quite okay with my love handles. Actually, I will have some potatoes please. Actually, I am still hungry and I am unashamed about it.My body needs more. No, I’m not doing that diet plan, it doesn’t fit me however, enjoy.
I released the stopwatch. What’s a stopwatch? a special watch with buttons that start, stop, and then zero the hands, used to time races.<— Whose racing sway? Not me. I am hardly a runner, yet. (smirk).
I released the idea of “arriving.” If I am serious about cultivating a HEALTHY LIFESTYLE that’ll follow me into my marriage, into my parenthood, into me being a grandparent and into my coffin, I’ll never “arrive.” Instead, I’ll just keep showing up for myself every single day, meal after meal.
I released the feeling of “not being enough.” Ya know, when you release 25 pounds, nothing about what I was bringing and am continuing to bring to the table in my friend spaces, romantic space and even my professional spaces changes! I am still THAT WOMAN. Just leaner. (smirk). This reminded me that I AM WORTHY right now, WAS WORTHY back then when I was 25 pounds heavier and will continue to be WORTHY when I release another 25.
I released having a goal weight. I’ll work on maintaining when I say so.
I released missing the JOURNEY, rushing to the PRODUCT. I want to cherish the moment my small jacket started to fit and the waist of my favorite jeans no longer snug on my belly. I want to remember how I felt when I noticed my second chin hiding. LOL. I want to remember what it feels like to change the snaps on my bra. These things provide momentum. These are winning moments which whisper, “Keep going.”
I released seeing working out and eating right as a chore. What a privilege for all of my body parts to being present and functioning. What a privilege to have a CHOICE in what I eat. What a privilege to feed this temple things that will only help it move forward. What a privilege.
I released going to war against myself. The one person we spend every waking moment with is ourselves. I sat down and had an honest assessment of self about what I looked like & felt like then with the same determination I give EVERY other space in my life I sat down and made a plan for what I wanted to look and feel like moving forward. We been on the same page ever since.
You are the greatest project you will EVER work on. Make it phenomenal.
See you later, healthier next time than this time.
-AE
Picture taken on May 9, 2020. — Weigh in Saturdays! I am officially 25 lbs down. (24.9 if we wanna keep it 100. LOL!)
